Letting go to become yourself

To become a butterfly, a caterpillar has to let go of its own identity as a caterpillar.

Nature often gives us these beautiful metaphors to help us understand and navigate life. Like the caterpillar, human beings are also on an evolutionary trajectory towards self-actualization. Carl Jung refers to this process as individuation.

According to Jung, individuation "is an expression of that biological process – simple or complicated as the ease may be – by which every living thing becomes what it was destined to become from the beginning."

Creatures like the caterpillar abandon the old naturally without any psychological distress. Instinctually, they just know what needs to be done and surrender themselves to the process.

Unlike the caterpillar, human beings may resist transformation. We find safety in the familiar role that we play in life. If we think of life as theatre, then we are all actors playing a character or part in this play. But often, we forget that we are not the characters we are playing – be it the lover, the caregiver, the fighter, the Good Samaritan, the president, or the saint. Who is the one behind the mask?

The truth is that no matter how hard we cling to our roles and identities, at some point, life will call us to become something new, something more even. We know this when a sense of unease sets in, perhaps restlessness or even depression. Something feels misaligned and dissatisfying. Other times, life forces us into a situation that challenges our self-concept, such as when the children leave the nest and a mother must contend with what to do with herself or when a dancer loses her ability to dance due to an injury and must find a new source of meaning.

In those moments, trying to suppress the sense of internal discomfort with sensory stimulation may dampen the voice of our inner wisdom. Instead, we might want to take some quiet time to be with that unease and ask: What wants to be known? What no longer serves me? What does life want me to attend to right now? The answer may not come right away, but just by inquiring, we begin a dialogue with our innermost self.

Individuation is not a linear process and it can even feel risky. At the same time, there is also a sense of deep joy and adventure in this transformative process, which continues until your very last breath. Just having a taste of the experience of being what you are destined to become is a pearl beyond price.